She Needed To Place This Baby

I received a call from a woman in an unplanned pregnancy.  Her voice was sweet and she seemed to be somewhat shy.  I will call her Mary.  I made arrangements to meet with her.  She was living in a motel and that is where I went to pick her up.

She needed to place this baby

Mary is brunette and pretty and petite.  We went to a restaurant because she was hungry, but she quickly told me that she needed to place this baby and asked if I had paperwork for her to fill out.  After I shared some information about adoption, she was anxious for the paperwork and said she just wanted to get it filled out.  I tried to draw her out in conversation, but she did not really want to talk.  She sat at the restaurant table and filled out every line of that paperwork.

When she was done, she looked up and shared what she was looking for in a family.  I listened. I showed her different family profiles and tried to engage her in conversation.  She was intent on making a decision. Her mind was made up regarding adoption because she needed to place this baby.  Now, she wanted to choose a family.  She read through profiles.  She looked intently at pictures.  She chose one and handed the profile to me and smiled for the first time at me.

I explained more about the process to Mary and she took all of it in.  We then engaged in small talk because I could see that she was not ready to go too deep.  It was clear that her guard was up.  I could read all of the signs and sensed some deep loss and pain from her life.  She had the spirit of rejection emanating from her whole being.  I just took everything about her in and prayed silently during the course of our meeting.

When we were done eating, she asked if she could order a dessert and take it to go.  She was shy about some things, but not about dessert and I gladly got that for her.  When I drove her home, she allowed me to share about our desire to really help her and that the relationship did not have to just be about the adoption, because she was so much more important to us than the mere fact that she was pregnant.  She looked at me with a ” uh-huh, right, sure you are” glance, but thanked me and I dropped her back off at the motel.

It didn’t take long to confirm my suspicion that Mary had a substance abuse problem.  I could tell as soon as I saw her that first time, but she wasn’t ready or willing to share at that time.  What I didn’t know is that she supported herself and that habit through prostitution.  We have dealt with many girls who have been a part of this industry.  I can never get used to this though, it breaks my heart in so many places with each one.  It never ceases to amaze me that women who suffer from addiction and allow their bodies to be abused, make a stand for their child by choosing life for them and also choosing a loving and stable family for them.

Adoption is not a Birth Mother’s act of irresponsibility or rejection. It takes a heartbreaking reality check to realize that your child needs more than what you can provide for them. This is the kind of love and sacrifice that only a mother could endure, but only for her child.

Michelle Dettman

At first, Mary did not allow me to get too close to her. I always looked for opportunities to pick her up and take her places – Dr. visits, lunch, grocery shopping…  She was always friendly and polite, but distant as well.  I would just pray silently and then made it a habit to ask her if I could pray with her when dropping her off. She politely agreed and I remember peeking to see what she was doing while I was praying – she would be looking out the window with a bored look on her face. I always mentioned that she was not alone in this world, that we (me and our staff at Adoption Center of Hope) were here for her, but that the Lord loved her as well.  She was always quiet, never rude as our discussions grew longer about spiritual things. We got to the point where she would grab my hand and thank me and allow me to hug her goodbye.

As time went on, Mary began to open up more with me. Her life is not what she had ever wanted, but it was what it was and that was that.  Every time I dropped her off – after our little prayer time – I would cry.  I hated the fact that her life was what it was.  I dreamed and prayed for so much more for her.

Birth Mom chose adoption

This all took place several years ago.  Mary did place her baby for adoption.  She never regretted making that decision.   When we were working with her during her pregnancy, she said that she was not ready to commit to the Lord at that time.  So I just kept on praying. We continued to stay in touch through texting, phone calls and social media.  She was so precious to me.  About three years ago, Mary called me to share that she had accepted Jesus as her personal Savior. I have to say that that has to be one of the best calls that I have received in my life.  Instantaneously, her life changed.  No more drugs.  No more hustling. There is a true depth to her outspokeness as she shares her testimony.  “Jesus heals and changes people, look at me!” she shares.  If I was not a believer myself, I would have to take a look at what she is talking about because the change was so incredible and immediate!  She has a wide open net of outreach and God is using her mightily.

Mary’s life has been full of tragedy.  She would never ask you to excuse some of the choices she has made, but I can absolutely understand why she was led to that lifestyle.  I am just so thankful that she found freedom from it through the Lord. True, real freedom is available.  Please contact me directly if you have any questions about adoption or if you would like to know more about finding the freedom that Mary found.

From my heart and home to yours,

~Michelle

The truth will set you free

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