I just couldn’t do it, Miss Michelle.

I saw this post on FaceBook:   “I’m *&%$#^* pregnant again, with a !@#$%^& for a baby daddy.”

The young lady who posted it, is dear to my heart.  I met her when she was going through a very difficult time in her life and our family tried to help her.  She spent her life in the Foster Care System, being moved from place to place, while waiting for one of those families to tell her she was wanted by them. That never happened.  Though she has a past that would make a grown man cry, she also has a lighthearted personality and a tender heart.  I have found myself full on, belly laughing from something she says or does in my presence.

After seeing her FB post, I reached out.  Not because I’m “The Adoption Lady,” but because I seriously care for this girl.  She knows I’m here for her at any time.  I called her – no answer.  I left her a message – no return call. I texted her – no text back.  Left her a message on FB – no reply.  My heart continued to be unsettled for her.

A few days passed until yesterday…  during the middle of my busy Monday, I picked up the phone to return somebody else’s call and there was her face in my mind.  I knew I needed to try, once more, to reach out to her.  This time, she picked up the phone and answered.

Here is what she said, somewhat frantically,  “Hi, Miss Michelle, thank you for calling.  Sorry, I was not in the right mind to talk to anybody.  I just couldn’t do it, Miss Michelle.  I just couldn’t.  I took that pill and the baby is gone now.  I’m up at my friends just resting.  I just couldn’t do it, Miss Michelle.”

My heart sank for her.  I asked her if she was okay… she said she just needed to think, and then told me again that she just could not go through with another pregnancy.  None of her other children are in her care right now. She has suffered a lot of loss in her life.  At absolutely no point during this conversation- or since, have I felt one ounce of judgment against her.  I do feel regret that I had not been effective in reaching her.  I am also mourning for her, over the loss of her baby.  At some point, she will mourn, too, although I don’t think she realizes that right now.

Her story is a personal one, with tragedy in too many places.  I have found myself, on more than one occasion, offering her HOPE by sharing the Lord with her.  At this point, she has listened, but I don’t think she has really heard.  I also think that too many people, probably some Christians as well, have let her down or used her in some way.  She likes me – she has even told me that she loves me, but I don’t know if she really trusts me.  I understand.  I will not give up on this girl. Full disclosure:  Jesus has never given up on me.

She is one of many that fill my prayers.  This is what Unplanned Pregnancy, Expectant Mom and Birth Mom ministry look like. It’s not so easy and definitely not pretty.  If you find yourself bored or feel like praying, I covet your prayers for these young women that we are called to serve here.  What do I do when I hear the words, I just couldn’t do it, Miss Michelle? My response is one of sorrow for her, because I am sorry for so many details of her life that I cannot understand.  Then just like a mom would when their child is sick – except she never had a mom to nurture her even through a cold, I tell her to please go and rest.  After that all I can do is pray for her, and cry for a bit and then pray some more.  So that’s what I do.

I couldn't do it, Miss Michelle

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